Destined for Life
by amakasu toko
Summary: After the Hokuto Cup, Shindo finds that he is still missing Sai, and he begins to destroy himself over it. Through selfdestruction he faces another obstacle in the world...Akihika


A/N: NYAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa phew, long time since toko-chan's been away from oo;; hrm hrm! I've been thinking about doing a hng ficcie for a while now (like..2 years..or whenever toko-chan started her naruto ficcie XD;; ) but ive FINALLY come up with a plot! ..kind of..>>; nya nya, anyhoo heres the genre of the fic and stuffs:

btw, just exactly _who_ is toko-chan? Why, its me:D sily toko-chan just...calls herself toko-chan o.o;;

Genre: Angst/Romance

Summary: Hikaru's obsession with Sai causes him to lose sight of the Hand of God..as the next Hokuto Cup draws near will Akira be able to make Shindo realize his mistake?

Pairing: Akihika (both 16) (toko-chan wants to experiment with something, so this pairing will possibly be extremely gradual and slow..note the "possibly" ;; )

Pairing2: WayaIsumi (17/19 respectively) (well, toko-chan has planned it like this for now, but it might change ; )

Disclaimer: Toko-chan doesnt own HnG...oh how wonderful it would be if she did...(not) >>;

Destined for Life

Prologue: The Beginning of the Illusion

The boy sat down and stared at the grave. Leaning back he savored the feeling of the wind brushing gently across his face and the chirping of the birds lulling him into a sense of peace...

... yet he resisted. No, he did not want this feeling of peace. He knew he was cursed, and he gladly accepted it. He invited the pain, the agony, the torture of feeling a hole in his heart, the hole of losing someone most important.

His eyes were closed; appearing peaceful, but those eyes were those that were constantly searching, seeking for the one he had found and lost, lost through his own selfish means.

Those sad eyes opened, slightly moistened through memories of the past.

_Was I really that selfish? Why did you leave? _

The boy clenched his fists in the dirt as he unconsciously glared at the piece of engraved stone, searching its surface for a hidden answer.

_You have yet to achieve the Hand of God! _

**...The Hand of God. **

_...Sai!_

Touya Akira turned his head to look for the boy with the bleached bangs.

_Where are you? Shindo!_ He asked in his mind, glancing around the room for one last time before the matches began.

_Why didn't he come today? Has something happened? Shindo never misses a match!_ Lost in deep thought, Touya nearly fell into a trap carefully laid by his opponent.

_Kuso! (Damn!) If I hadn't noticed that he was attacking so soon, he would have split all my territory into small groups! The loss would have been big_... Shaking off all other thoughts of Shindo, Touya focused on his game and decided to crush the weak 2-dan quickly.

_If I can form a ladder there, then I will capture all his territory. My opponent..will have no chance to counter_! He thought as he confidently placed his deciding stone, unaware that his intensity alone had already defeated his opponent.

"I..I have lost.." Touya's opponent hastily replied, head turning from his crushing defeat.

Nodding hastily, Akira hurried to place the winning stamp onto the score sheet and walked briskly out of the room.

On his way out, Touya noticed some of Shindou's friends.

"So what did he say? Is he going to start forfeiting all over again like last year?" Ochi asked, his face remaining stoic and slightly smug.

"Oi, shut up Ochi! Shindo's never doing that again! He said he had something important to do!" Waya snapped back.

"Hm, I heard him talking about Shuusaku's grave a few days ago, perhaps he went there?" Isumi pondered.

"Oh right!" Waya responded, " he seemed so distracted these past few days as well—Hm? Touya, what are you doing here?"

"Ah? I was just wondering where Shindo was.." Akira replied.

"Mou, forget about it! Shouldn't you be looking for some 9-dans to play or something?" Waya glared.

"Oi oi, Waya!" Isumi cautiously warned, "sorry Touya, Waya's always rude neh?"

"Daijoubu (It's fine). I've got to get going anyway." Akira stated, letting his polite facade cover what he really felt.

Touya walked out of the building, raising a hand to shield his eyes from the sun.

_Shuusaku's grave, huh... _

Now sitting at the edge of a lake near the grave, Hikaru stared across the huge mass of water, noticing the glints of the sun shimmering within the liquid.

_..Sai, I'm a 3-dan now! Can you believe it? Even though Waya's a 4-dan and Touya's a 5-dan..but rank doesn't matter! It's my strength that does.. _

The 16 year old glanced at the fluffy clouds above him, smiling gently as he thought of his friend and mentor.

_Sai, so much has happened since you were gone - I've played so many games..hundreds! Maybe even thousands...because you exist in my Go. But lately, it's not enough...I need stronger opponents, ones who will get me lost in a long and complex battle; only those will I get to see you enough! I miss you too much to merely see a fleeting glimpse of you when I play.. _

Shindo's lower lip trembled slightly, tears threatening to spill across his cheeks...

_I don't care about the Hand of God anymore, Sai! I just..I just want you back! I want to see the happiness on your face as you tell me where to put your stones on the goban! The intensity of your eyes as you play against a worthy opponent! Where are you? Sai! _

_Sai...if you only exist in my Go..then I will play more then hundreds of games! I will play millions, trillions of games! I..I miss you too much.. _

Hikaru sighed, preventing his mind from reminiscing too much.

_Today is May 5th...the day you left. Isn't it funny how you left on May 5th while playing Go with me? (may 5th 5/5..the number 5 is called "go" in japanese..its kinda like a pun XD)_

"Haha..hahaha.." The lonely boy let out a strangled laugh close to a cry of despair, _Starting tommorow, I will push myself far into the world of Go, no matter how hard I have to work, or how much I need to sacrifice...I will get to see you, Sai!_

Few weeks later-

"Have you heard? The 3-dan Shindo, he's beaten 9-dan Morishita!" A reporter yelled excitedly as he ran into the Weekly Go office.

"Mm? That Shindo has always had talent, but I never thought he'd be able to beat his sensei so soon." Amano said as he turned to look at the kifu.

"Yea, the game was absolutely brilliant. Shindo used one of the most famous techniques of Shusaku and turned it into a lethal trap." Kosemura said, "Shindo has grown so much stronger in a mere three weeks.."

"We'll definitely need to make an article about this!" Amano said heartily, "any quotes?"

"Well," The reporter said uncertainly, " I wasn't able to get much from Morishita-san..but he said something about Shindo's eyes.."  
"His eyes?" Amano raised an eyebrow.

"Yes..He said...'Those eyes... they were like the eyes of a tormented banshee searching desperately for something it lost..his passion of Go is smothered by that tragic feeling..'"

"How very strange... We should keep that out of the article." Amano replied, _Shindo..What is going on?_

Morishita 9-Dan's study group-

"Oi, Shindo! What's up with you lately? You never go out to lunch with us anymore..or out to lunch at all..Have you been even eating?" Waya asked as he grabbed onto the boy's shoulder, "you must've lost at least 10 pounds!"

Shindo shrugged Waya's hand off.

"I'm fine, Waya. I've just been studying Go more then usual." He admitted tiredly.

"Shindo, even though you've been winning all your games, you still need to maintain your body's health" Saeki interrupted.

"I'll be fine, really.." Shindo absently replied as he stood up to talk to Morishita.

"Morishita-sensei! I..I wanted to tell you that I won't be coming to these study sessions for a while.."

"Shindo! What are you saying?" Waya yelled as Saeki pulled the boy back from shaking Shindo silly.

"I thought you'd be saying this. Please, come with me." Morishita answered as he led Hikaru into a room next to the study group's.

"Shindo, before you leave, I want to ask you...What's wrong? You may have been doing extraordinarily well, but one can tell from your face that you've lost the past passion you had." He asked as he sat down.

"I've..I've just been distracted..."

"I can see that you're distracted, but why? You've never been unhappy about playing Go before."

"No, it's not about me being unhappy..it's just.."

"Just?"

"A personal matter. I'll be fine.."

"..Shindo, you can't live like this. I'm concerned about you! That day when you beat me in an official match..it's true that you've gained a lot of strength, but a lot of your energy is drained! What are you so concerned about?"

"I..well..my mentor.."

"Your mentor? I never even knew you had an instructor! How is he? Is he sick?"

"N-No..he's gone.."

"What? Well, if that's the case, then you should take a break for a while instead of keeping it in like this.."  
"It'll be all right. I'll see him again."

"What?"  
"..Never mind, I've got to go, thanks for everything you've done, bye Morishita-sensei!" Shindo quickly mumbled as he bolted out of the room.

_..Strange..Anoko..that kid.. _

Shindo ran all the way back to his house, running so quickly that he was panting in ragged gasps when he reached the door. Stopping to catch his breath, Shindo thought _He..he almost made me tell him about Sai...That was close.._

Walking into his house and to his room, he pondered, _Hm, instead of attending Morishita-sensei's study sessions, I'll study more of Sai's kifus, and assist more tutoring sessions and...Shimatta! oh crap! I'm late to meet with Touya!_

Bolting out of his house, he ran once again, to the familiar Go salon.

He burst through the door, mumbling a quick Hi to Ichikawa-san before walking quickly to the back, where Touya sat.

"You're late." Akira coldly said.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, but I was talking to Morishita-sensei..."

"You could've called. We have cell phones now, you know."

"...Can we just play now?"

With a dissatisfied "hmph!" from Touya, they began nigiri and soon Shindou started with black.

A bit later, the results were clear: Shindo had won by 3 moku.

"Touya, I'm catching up to you aren't I?" Shindo grinned at Akira.

"Wh-What! I'll make it so that you'll never be able to catch up to me!"

"But I recently got into the Meijin League, Touya, I'm breathing right down your back!"

"Be quiet and discuss the game!"

While discussing the game, Touya's hands began to tremble as he thought _Shindo's definitely gotten stronger, what will I do if he really has caught up to me? No! I can't let that happen! I must not let that happen!_ But in the back of his mind he knew, Shindo was going to catch up, and soon.

Hours later-

"Shindo, the salon is going to close, can we just clean up now?" Akira said tiredly, "We must've played at least 10 games"

"Just one more game!"  
"Shindo!"

"Grr, fine fine" Shindo mumbled as he put the stones away.

"What's gotten into you anyway, Shindo? You've never tried to get me to play so many games before."

"I just need the practice!"

"Stop lying Shindo. I know you better than anyone."  
"Mou Touya, can't you just accept that I want to train and be better?"

"No."

"Gaaaaah Touya!" Shindo whined, brain spinning for an excuse that would satisfy his dark haired friend.

"Boku wa..I..I just want to play you because you're more of a challenge!" At least that partly true..I also see the Sai that exists in my Go the most when I play those spine-tingling matches with you.. Shindo thought to himself.

"Of course I'm more of a challenge. I'm your rival." Akira said simply, "but if you don't want to tell me the real reason, I won't force you. Need me to escort you home?"

"Touya! I'm not a girl! I don't need these escorting things!"

"Oh, sumimasen..(sorry) You were as stubborn as a girl for a second so my manners towards girls kicked in"

"Stubborn as a girl! At least I don't LOOK like a girl!"

"N-Nani! (What!) I do not look like a girl!"

"Why else would all those guys hit on you?"

"...Urusei! (Shut up)"

"Ha, I'm right aren't I?"  
"Just go home!"

Shindo snickered as he left, turning his head around to stick his tongue out at the flustered Touya before he walked out the door.

Touya sighed as he himself got ready to leave the salon, that Shindo..only he could get on my nerves this badly..

As he walked out of the store, Touya bumped into a familiar boy with unruly brown hair.

"Ah..Waya!"

Waya shuffled his feet nervously, almost like he was reluctant to talk to Touya, "Ano..Touya..Don't get me wrong! I wouldn't ask you for help even if you were the last person on earth! But..this is for Shindo so I..um.."

"What is it, Waya." Akira said formally, his personality changing to the cold stoic boy he was taught to be in public.

"Have..Have you seen Shindo lately?" Waya blurted out.

"I saw him just now. We played Go together."

"So he still plays Go with you.."  
"Why? What's wrong?"  
"Its just that..Shindo's been getting really distant lately. He never eats lunch during breaks, but instead studies kifu in a small corner and he's too distracted to even talk to me or anyone in our group!"

"Soka? (Is that so?)"

"Well, and he also quit Morishita-sensei's study group.."

"What? Why?"

"He just said he wanted to spend time alone studying more kifu and tutoring others."

"Well, I don't see how you need my help for that.."  
"I have a feeling he's not eating, and he's overworking himself! Haven't you seen how thin he's gotten? You and I both understand that he won't be able to live this way. Since he's still playing Go with you, I need you to help him understand that he needs to relax and stop overworking himself!"

"So that would explain why he's been trying to get me to play so much Go.."  
"What? He's trying to overwork you too!"

"No no, it's not that..it's just that he's always trying to play as much Go as he can.."

"Hmm, maybe he's using it to distract himself.."  
"Distract himself?"

"Haven't you seen it? Sometimes he falls into a depressed trance and he gets this pained but distant look in his eyes..it shows up the most when he's playing weak opponents"

"I haven't been noticing him enough to figure that out"

"Well, you sure are obsessed about him enough to be able to notice.."

"What did you say?"

"Ah, nanimonai (nothing) _snicker_ Just help him ok? Talk to him!"

"But.."

"Thanks, bye! Don't tell anyone I talked to you, it'll ruin my reputation!" Waya yelled as he ran off.

"I didn't even get a chance to answer..." Akira sweatdropped.

Next Week-

Akira glanced up as Shindo appeared at the door of the Go Salon.

"You're late again." He said, making himself sound angrier then he actually was.

"I had to stay late tutoring a student" Shindo said tiredly.

Akira studied Shindo's face, he looks more tired than normal..  
"Did you sleep at all?"  
"A bit, I stayed up most of the night studying kifu.."  
"And you were tutoring all day?"

"Yea.."

"Go home and get some rest"

"No, I'll be fine, let's play"

In the middle of the game, Akira noticed Shindo's hands were trembling and Hikaru's breath had grown ragged.

"Shindo, you're overworked. Get some rest."  
"No, I'm fine!" Shindo said stubbornly as he placed another stone on the board.

"You can't even play right. There's no point in playing."  
"I told you I'm fi—" Shindo managed to utter before his head fell onto the goban; Shindo had fainted.

"Oi, Oi! Shindo! You ok? Shindo!" Akira said loudly as he shook the boy's shoulders.

"Shindo's fainted?" Ichikawa said nervously as she ran over to look at the situation, "do you need me to drive him back to his house?"

"No, you look after the Go salon, I can carry him" Akira said quickly as he hefted Shindo onto his back.

_He's really light..must be from losing that much weight.. _

"Do you know where he lives?" Ichikawa asked Touya.

"Yea, I found his address in his wallet" Akira yelled back before he went out the door.

"Ugh, Shindo.. why did you work yourself so hard.." Akira mumbled as he gently carried Shindo on his back.

Touya was answered by a slight murmur and a sigh as Shindo snuggled himself into the crook of Akira's neck.

Akira blushed slightly as he thought, _Kami-sama, I feel like I'm one of those heroes in manga stories carrying the heroine who just twisted her ankle home or something ;; except Shindo's not a girl and it would be a very embarassing situation if anyone saw us right now _

For what seemed like eternity, Touya finally got to Shindo's house. He knocked on the door with his foot and waited for someone to answer.

After a bit of shuffling, a nice-looking woman opened the door and gasped.

"Hikaru! Kami-sama, what happened to him?"

"He overworked himself and fainted, Shindo-san" Touya said politely to the woman.

"I knew that would happen to him! That boy hasn't slept for days!"  
"Days?"

"Hai, (Yes) he barely ate anything either! Thank you for taking him home..I'll take him upstairs.."  
"It's fine, I can carry him" Akira said as he hastily slipped off his shoes and carried the sleeping boy into his room.

Setting Hikaru down on the bed, Akira carefully tucked him in and brushed some of his bangs off his face.

Touya sat on the edge of the bed as he stared at Hikaru's face, hearing the peaceful rise and fall of his breath.

"Why are you doing this, Shindo? Everyone wants to know.." He whispered softly.

Hikaru slightly grimaced and he began turning as if he was in a bad dream.

"Sai..." He breathed as his face turned into a pained expression. "Sai.."

Touya's eyes slightly widened, _So was this about Sai? About the other being that exists in Shindo? _

Shindo's mother carried a wet towel into the room and carefully wiped Hikaru's face.

"How long has he been like this?" Akira asked.

"It's been about 3 weeks. I just don't understand him anymore..He seems like he's always busy; When he's not out in a match, he's tutoring or helping others with shidougo..and when he finally gets back home he locks himself up in his room."

"Does he even eat?"

"Sometimes, but I have to nag him incessantly about not missing dinner." Shindou's mother sadly replied, "I don't know what's gotten into him.."

Akira stood up, "Keep him in bed and force him to relax for a few days, I'll tell the Go Institute about this so they can reschedule his matches."

Akira put his shoes back on and prepared to leave.

"Thank you so much for you help..er..what was your name?"  
"Touya, Touya Akira"

"Honto Arigatou gozaimasu, Touya-san" (Thank you very much)

"No problem, I'll visit him soon."

News of Shindo's fainting spell quickly spread through the other Pros. They all knew of Shindo's sudden change in determination of Go, and his sudden increase in strength. It came as no surprise that Shindo was feeling ill.

Yet on that Thursday, the Pros watched in shock as Shindo stumbled into the Go Institute, tired but ready for his match.

"Shindo! Why aren't you in bed? I told your mother to make sure you're rested!" Akira said as he noticed Shindo sitting at the Goban.

"After a good night's sleep I'm feeling pretty rested. I need to get ready for the Young Lion's Tournament, afterall." Shindo smiled.

"Yea, the Young Lion's Tournament got put off till pretty late in the year neh? (The Young Lion's Tourny is before May 5th, but I made it so that it was somehow moved back till now XD;) " Waya said as he bent down and messed up Shindo's hair, "you're playing me today, and I won't go easy on you even if you're sick."

"Shinpai ja nai, Waya (Don't worry) I'm not sick, just a bit tired. I won't lose so easily" Shindo laughed.

Touya excused himself to his own opponent and the game started.

_I will not lose to Shindo. He may have a winning streak, but I also have gotten stronger. I cannot lose to him!_ Waya thought as he aggressively used a tobi komi and directly attacked Shindo's territory.

Waya almost laughed as he saw Shindo place a stone completely under the trap he had laid, _Sorry but, this game is mine! _

During lunch break Isumi walked over to observe Shindo and Waya's game.

"Seems like Shindo's really suffering from being overworked huh?" Isumi observed.

"Yea, he's going to lose his winning streak here. Where is Shindo anyway? He nearly bolted after lunch break was called" Waya asked.

"In the corner again, studying kifu" Isumi replied.

"I wonder who's kifu it is.." Waya wondered.

"We'll try to get him to tell us after the game. Let's each lunch, Waya" Isumi said as he dragged his friend to Wcdonalds. (yea, a W instead of a M..that's how it is in the manga yesh? XD; )

As everyone who noticed the game observed Shindo's game as a losing one, it was only the dark haired prodigy who thought _No, this is only the beginning..the real fight begins soon!_

After lunch break Waya jauntily sat down in front of the Goban with Shindo, almost bouncing from the thought of winning.

_By the way this game is going, I'll win by over 6 moku!_ He almost said aloud.

Shindo said nothing as it was his turn again. His next turn he placed the stone and...did an atari.

_What? I didn't notice that! Shimatta, there's no way out! Could it be..that Shindo planned it all along!_ Waya glanced up at Hikaru, and was blown away.

_This intensity is terrifying..he's playing like his life's on the line..and not only that..this air of utter despair is suffocating me.. _Waya began to feel his lips quiver in fear, _No, I cannot give in to this! There must be a weakness! _

Waya desperately moved the game into yose, the final stage of the battle, but by now the difference was clear: Waya would lose.

"I have lost " Waya mumbled angrily as Shindo bowed and stood up to mark the score sheet.

_Shindo has become stronger..his growth is almost disturbing.. _

Isumi saw his brown haired friend come out with his head bowed.

"Shindo pulled another one of his tricks again?" Isumi said softly.

"Yea. He probably planned it the moment I put my hand in the Goke." Waya muttered, "It's really hard not to be scared of his strength."

"True, but we cannot give up. We must get stronger and chase him." Isumi smiled.

"So yo (That's right), each and every one of us must gain strength..to attain the Divine Hand of God..." Waya smiled as well, "Wanna go to the Go salon and train?"

"Sounds fun"

Hikaru walked into Touya's Go Salon, nearly stumbling into his chair.

"Shindo, you're too tired. Go sleep" Akira's clipped voice came.

"Touya, I'm fine. I even won the match against Waya." Shindo retorted.

"It doesn't change how ragged you look."

"Since when have you worried about how I look?" Shindo smirked.

"..The look of a Go player must be fine and polished in order to not be looked down upon by the public." Akira coolly replied.

Hikaru rolled his eyes "You're too uptight, Touya."

"Doesn't matter. Just go home and take a nap. I don't want you dropping on the floor again like last time."

"I just put my head on the goban! I didn't drop to the floor!"

"Right. So you despoil my Go salon's gobans with that head of yours."  
"So what if my hair's not picture perfect like yours?"

"It's not, but that's not the point. How are you going to stand a chance if you can't even open your eyes?"

"I _can_ keep my eyes open! Besides, I beat Waya, neh?"

"I'm talking about me, not Waya."

"Psh, same thing. I can beat you too." Shindo waved carelessly.

Akira's eye started to twitch, "Go home."

"Touya, I—"

"How do you expect to chase after me when you're about to fall on your knees at any given time? What if you're unable to get back on your feet after you fall? You're never going to reach the Hand of God this way!" Touya yelled, startling the customers near the two.

Shindo's eyes lowered and he stared distantly at the goban.

"Kami no te...(The Hand of God) Is it really so important? Is it of such importance that I can never see him again?" Shindo slowly said, agony dripping from his voice.

"Shindo.."

Shindo stood up to leave, "I..I won't be coming back to the salon, Touya. This salon..holds the dreams of people who strive to obtain the Hand of God..I am not one of them."

Shindo turned around and smiled crookedly, "Ja, Touya. (Bye)"

...As the boy left the young Go prodigy could only stare at the other boy's retreating back, mouth agape and speechless.

The sun slowly fell down and cast its ebony gown upon the world. Looming splotches of dark clouds dotted the sky like tears seeping into paper. The sullen atmosphere did nothing to assure the 16 year old boy as he clutched his head and curled into a ball next to the numerous copies of kifu and an unfinished match on the goban.

"Sai.." He choked, "when will my soul be satisfied again? Ever since you left that corner in my heart..the hole won't heal..it won't! Sai.."

The throbbing headache he felt in his head threatened to get worse as he stifled a wail in his throat.

"I love Go...I really do..But something's always missing. I've lost my way..Only you can bring me back, Sai! Onegai (Please)..?"

The boy froze and listened, listened for anything that would serve as a hint that his comrade had come back.

Hikaru's ears perked up as he heard footsteps...

_thump _

_thump _

_thump _

A knock resounded upon the door...

"Hikaru, would you like some fruit? You haven't eaten at all today.." His concerned mother asked.

Shindo sighed, "No, I'm fine."

"That's all you've been saying lately, are you sure?" His mother asked again.

"I'm absolutely sure. Thanks Mom.." Shindo mumbled, voice trying not to waver as he stared at the Goban.

_This was our last match before you left..When will you come back to finish it? _

The boy was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice the woman on the other side of the door sigh and retreat.

A week later-

Amano-san rushed with the other reporters into the large room. The Weekly Go office buzzed with excitement over the annual Young Lion's Tournament.

"Hurry, Kosemura-san! With the sudden strength of Shindo, word has gotten out that he has the biggest chance of winning the tournament!" He shouted.

"Do you think he has already surpassed Touya Akira?" Kosemura grinned back at his coworker.

"I don't know, but that boy has still gone undefeated! Perhaps he'll set the new record of 30 straight wins!" Amano laughed.

"He'll definitely beat that Ko Yongha brat this year!" Kosemura cheered.

"Now now, that's still a little while away." Amano smiled as the two rushed off to take pictures and interview the contestants.

Akira arrived at the center, dressed picture perfect in his formal suits. Walking past the rush of reporters he scanned the room, looking for a sign of his rival.

When he was about to give up, a group of reporters blew past him, and he looked back.

There was Shindo Hikaru, the most talked about Pro of the past few weeks.

His cheeks were thin, a major change to his normally happy round face, and his eyes were tired and lifeless. He walked into the building wearing a crisp white shirt and slacks, the shirt hanging off of him like clothing dangling on a clothes hanger from his sudden loss of weight.

Shindo brushed his hair back quickly with his slender hand and smiled softly at the reporters as they barraged him with questions and shoved microphones in his face.

"Maa, this makes me feel like a celebrity.." Shindo shyly laughed, slightly blushing from all the attention he was getting.

Suddenly, a hand reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him out of the crowd.

Touya rushed him into the Go room, where limited reporters were allowed to be in.

"Ah, thanks Touya, I never thought I'd find my way through those reporters." Shindo smiled awkwardly.

"You haven't been to the Go Salon in a while." Akira stated.

"I told you I wouldn't be back." Shindo said, suddenly serious as he looked off to the side.

"You look like something's going to blow you away."

"Well, maybe my metabolism suddenly changed" Shindo said stiffly, shifting uncomfortably to Akira's questioning.

"Stop messing around!" Akira practically yelled, "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Touya, you're making people stare at us.."

The dark haired boy glared at Shindo, his eyes nearly as serious as when he was playing Go, "I can't have my rival dying on me."

Shindo looked surprised, eyes widening slightly before he started laughing, "Touya, that's a silly thing to say."

"Boys, it's about time to get to your seats" The host said as he passed by the two.

"Ah, he's right..I'll see you in the finals," Shindo said lightly, " I won't lose to you this time!"

Once again, Akira could only stare as Shindo ran to his seat, his smile wavering as he stumbled over from exhaustion, only to limp to his seat moments later.

Studying the boy's panting breath and the way his hands trembled as he touched the Goke, Akira shook his head and turned away, unable to look.

_Shindo..I'll crush you in our battle to show you that what you're doing won't get you anywhere! _

The little Insei nearly peed in his pants as he walked over to his seat.

_I'm only a 16 kyu in Class 1 and of all the people I get matched up with THE Shindo Hikaru_ The boy gulped as he sat down and looked up at the boy with bleached bangs.

Hikaru was staring at the Goke with a dazed distant look on his face. He seemed to always be in a trance.

Kyousuke Izumi noticed that Shindo's hands were trembling so much that they almost knocked the lid of the Goke off.

"O-Oi, Daijoubu desuka? (Hey, You ok)?" He stammered.

Shindo blinked out of his trance.

"Huh? Oh, yea..you're Kyousuke-san?" Shindo smiled gently.

"U-Un..(Yea) Are your hands trembling because you can't wait for that match with Touya Akira?"

Shindo blinked, "My match with Touya?"

"Yea! Since everyone says you're rivals and all.." Izumi mumbled.

Shindo laughed softly, "No, that's not it.."

"Then why—" The Insei started to ask.

"Please begin. Insei are black." The host announced.

_Well, here goes nothing... _

Izumi-kun placed his first hand on the upper right star, waiting for his opponent...

Merely 10 moves into the game, Izumi began to notice the difference in strength. No, he already noticed the difference when they first started playing, but Shindo's sudden aggressiveness completely ripped apart his defenseless ishi stones, and his opponent placed his stones countering every one of Izumi's futile efforts to regain territory.

_Isn't he supposed to go easier on me for being an Insei?_ Izumi-kun thought wildly as he looked for an opening for his stones to escape. That was when Izumi noticed that his hands were shaking.

_I-I'm not that scared am I? Why am I.._ Kyousuke wondered as he looked at his hands. A drop of sweat fell from his forehead onto his palms. That was when he knew. Almost too scared to look up, Kyousuke peeked towards his opponent and behold,

Shindo's face stared at the stones, almost boring holes into them, constantly grazing over the surface as if he was searching for something deep in the reflections of the stones. His eyes were dark and slightly narrowed, hiding everything except for the constant despair that leaked out of his eyes and the agony that oozed from his every pore.

..Izumi could've sworn he saw a wailing spirit loom behind Shindo. The young Insei's eyes widened and his pupils dilated in fright as he shrieked.

Shindo and others looked up at Izumi's cry, startled.

"I resign!" Izumi rushed, picking up the stones as fast as his heart was beating.

Shindo and the others only stared as the young boy ran through the crowds.

The host and the supervisors glanced at Shindo as he put one hand over his head and awkwardly said, "I didn't play _that_ hard against him..."

In the semi-finals, Isumi sat across from Shindo. Looking at the boy, he smiled.

"It's been so long since we last played, neh?"

"Yes, the last time we played officially was in the pro exams." Shindo smiled back.

"I know you've gotten stronger, Shindo, but so have I." Isumi said again.

"Well, we'll see how well we do against each other then." Shindo smiled again.

_I will not lose to Shindo again. Even though he beat Waya..I must see how much he has grown again!_ Isumi thought to himself as he began to play.

Halfway into the game, Isumi was startled, _Shindo's gotten a lot more aggressive...maybe even more then Touya! I must use that as his weakness.._

Isumi laid a keima to strengthen his territories, _Now, if I do a kosumi in the upper right territory, it will strengthen my position and provide the perfect defense against Shindo's invasions_

Confident that his lower territory was completely safe, his eyes could only widen in horror as Shindo placed his stone in the kyuusyo vital point that made all of Isumi's stones dead.

_Wha..Not even I noticed it! Shimatta! No, I must stay focused..the loss was big, but I can still win!_ Isumi said as he laid another stone onto the Goban.

_But..why is it getting harder to place my stones..My hands don't want to move.._ He was suddenly aware of the prickly pressure that had descended upon him.

It was almost like the time he fought Kuwabara in the Room of Darkness, but strangely, it was worse.

_I know Yang Hai-san helped me train my mind in __China__..but this aura..I cannot stand a chance _

Isumi's hand wavered a bit as he forced himself to place another stone on the Goban.

_Shindo's aura right now...it casts an unwavering pressure on me and its melancholy is a strange constant presence that slowly weighs me down...just playing a game with him right now is like torture! _Isumi's eyes widened, _No..just being here is like.._

**Suicide. **

"Ma-Makemashita (I lose)..." Isumi manage to stumble out.

The pressure almost immediately vanished as Shindo looked at the disheveled 2-Dan.

"Isumi..You don't look so well..." Shindo told him with sad eyes, "Do you still want to discuss the game?"

Isumi looked at Shindo, "What's making you feel like this?" He whispered, almost too scared to ask.

"Mm?" Shindo's confused gaze washed across Isumi, making him shiver unconsciously.

"You look like you're still suffering since that time I came back from China." Isumi stated.

"Ah? No no, I'm ok! Maybe everyone just thinks something's wrong with me because I've gotten stronger" Shindo forced a smile.

"Aa..(Oh.)." Was all Isumi responded with before they began to discuss the game, _I'll have to tell Waya about this later _

Finally, during the finals, Touya, as expected, sat across from Shindo.

Both of them gave each other narrowed looks, challenging each other with their eyes. They began, and the world of domination began.

_I must capture the upper corners and connect the stones before Shindo can get to them...strengthen these right here since Shindo's yose is near flawless..Ugh, I hate to admit it, but Shindo has indeed grown stronger_ Touya mentally cursed as he aggressively placed his stone dangerously near Shindo's territory.

_He's threatening me with that stone.._ Shindo thought, _I must find a way to counter it, and fast..If I strengthen this corner with a keima and put a kosumi...! This is what Sai did the first time we played Touya.._  
Akira waited for the yellow-black haired boy to play, but he was startled when he noticed a sparkle of water drip across the surface of the table.

Shindo was staring at the Goban, eyes wide with tears gracefully falling down his face. He was biting on his lower lip, afraid that they would begin to tremble if he let them go.

Touya saw the boy whisper something, quietly, only mouthing the word..."Sai!"

The dark haired boy could only stare (for the 3rd time >>; ) as the supervisors rushed to see what was wrong.

"_sniff _I'm fine" Shindo said softly as he wiped his tears with his sleeve, "I..I'm just a bit under the weather"

Then he placed his stone right there. In that one point that Touya had somehow missed.

_That..that move! It made me unable to connect my stones..and now my clusters are all dead! Shindo..to have grown this much.._ Akira bit his own lip and took a stone out of his goke, _Your aggressiveness is...extremely exciting!_

Hands almost glowing like his father's as he placed the stone on the board, he felt the same sense of fear that he had felt before he played the embarassing game with Shindo at the Jr. High Tourny.

..But to be able to face the fear with courage...that is excitement indeed.

For a while, even the analyzer of the game in the other room stared at the game...unable to move away from its ferocity. The battle had finally begun, leaving those who did not know how to play Go whispering, "What's going on?"

Akira's eyes flashed as he placed his stone on the Goban.

_Shindo..has definitely caught up to me..for once, I feel like I'm alive! This excitement.._ Almost smiling, he placed another stone onto the board.

Shindo's eyes had the same look as Akira's: determination, desire, and the rush of a challenge.

_Ever since that day Sai left..I have not felt this way! Finally able to match Touya's games..the piece of the puzzle that I have been missing...is here_! He slammed another stone on the board, connecting his stones and activating his trap. He almost crowed in delight as he noticed Touya's startled face, his teeth gritting together as he blinked a few times to comprehend the situation.

Yes, this was the competition of two rivals..locked for eternity in a fierce battle for the Hand of God.

But just as quickly, the game ended.

"Because of the komi, Touya Akira wins by .5 moku" The Announcer said.

Akira sat in his seat, eyes still flowing over the stones at the game. He was breathing heavily, as someone had just run a mile. Shindo has slumped back into his chair, breathing a deep breath at the vicious game.

"That was a great game, Touya." He managed to say as they both stood up.

"Aa (Yea), it was.." Akira awkwardly said, thinking of nothing else to add.

When the reporters came to interview the two, they had already fled through the back door, but upon interviewing the supervisors, it was said that anyone who looked upon the two while playing the game could see a lion baring it's fangs at a dragon, locked in eternal combat..

A/N: Hm, not sure where toko-chan wanted to end it...so toko-chan ends here for now :D phew, the storyline actually changed a bit from toko-chan's original plot..but rawr! It was so hard not to make Akira and Hikaru passionately confess to each other > ; _bwaps self_ Hrm, there's a lot of unintentional shonen ai fanservice all over this chappie too x.x;; then again, the original manga had some of that as well nyehehe.._snickers_ mmmmmmmmmm, well, ooo yea, this ficcie got based heavily on the rivalry of Touya and Shindo too > ; Also not toko-chan's original intention. Bwah, if people enjoy this, I'll post another chappie as soon as I can! Takes me a while though, I normally don't accept myself writing less then 15 pages ;;

And ooooo! Just remembered XD; Toko-chan didn't really bother with the whole –san/-kun/-chan thing..so you'll pretty much see it pop up here and there, but toko-chan's not gonna keep it constant or anything ; just a note :3

PSS: GAaaaah ebil uploading keeps removing toko-chan's asterisks > ;; Toko-chan tried to italicize everything that was in the asteriks..but if theres any speech that seems out of place or something...sorry for missing the italicizations! .;; oo and sorry if it's hard on the eyes ; _a bit later_ o.m.g...stupid spacing! _kicks_ not to mention it keeps taking out other symbols...GRAAAAAAAWR! _stabs_ :O rawr, dont know if its still readable right now, but good luck > ;; toko-chan's spent over an hour with this thing -kicks- > ;;; o and since brackets get removed too, toko-chan tried to put parantheses around all comments/japanese definitions :)

PSSS: If anyone needs help understanding the Go terms, just tell me in the reviews and toko-chan will be sure to add a Go term list in the future :D


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